Be Thou My Vision
Jan7

Avalanche/Balancing Family & Ministry

Posted on January 7, 2011 at 12:32pm

Later today, Starr and I are headed to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania for Metro Maryland Youth For Christ's Avalanche retreat. This is a weekend of snowboarding, skiing, snow-tubing and other activities for high-school students, as well as a lot of opportunity for spiritual growth and small group discussions, held at the Eisenhower Hotel and Conference Center.  This will be our first time going to this particular event, and we're helping out as chaperones for youth who we don't know, but we're excited to be a part of it and let God use us.

This will also be the first time since Starr and I were married that we aren't able to sleep in the same room, since we'll both be responsible for three teens who will be in our respective rooms. This has raised the issue of how to divide time (and attention) between ministry and each other—and in the future, our children as well—and we have been thinking about and discussing that topic a lot this week. This is honestly more of a sacrifice for Starr, I think—not because I don't enjoy spending time with her just as much as she with I, but because as a man I'm different than her. Starr feels most loved when I express it by spending quality time with her, so I constantly have to make sure that I'm giving her what she needs in terms of that time and attention. I don't do this just to keep her from whining or nagging, but because it's my responsibility as her husband to love her in the way that she needs to be loved. So it's not that I require any less love from her than she requires from me; it's just that I need to be loved in a different way. Dr. Gary Chapman sheds much light on approaching marriage this way in his universally popular The Five Love Languages (and several subsequent books expanding on that idea). This is something that we talked about a lot before we were married, and something that has helped us learn to live with each other and be good spouses who meet each others' needs.

Starr has been reading the late Ruth Bell Graham's It's My Turn, a book of "life lessons from the wife of Billy Graham." Ruth's examples of being a strong wife and supporting her husband through his many years of being a world-renowned minister and traveling all over the globe to do God's work, have helped Starr quite a bit. Ruth was a partner in Billy's ministry and often traveled with him—and even had a productive ministry of her own—but a major part of being his "help-mate" meant that she took care of the home and their children so that Billy could focus on ministering to others. Ruth Bell Graham's example also calls Starr to ultimately trust my judgment about major decisions affecting our ministry, and our life together in general. I don't expect my wife to be silent, and indeed I appreciate her input involving those decisions, but ultimately she trusts me to make the right choice.

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  1. How blessed Starr is to have you as her husband (and, of course, you to have her as a wife)!!


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